Closure: A New Beginning (with Photos)

Odd title, I know. But I thought and thought about it, and I realized that I want to close down this site. Closure has been a large part of Part II of my travels, and this site is one of the last things I need to finish up to be able to really say, "I am done."

I am devising a way to keep in touch though. I am not sure if it will be a blog or some other nifty internet technology, but this has worked and I want to keep it going since it has brought me so much joy. And some of you have "lovingly" called me to mat about keeping you updates – a fact I feel is more than fair since I did decide to leave.

For those not yet aware, I am currently in Santiago de Chile. No, I am not still traveling. I was here Oct-Dec 2006, and then I went to Brazil for 2.5 months and after that to the States for a month and a half. I am here because I live here now. Yes, I decided that this was my place. I knew when I left almost two years ago that staying in Latin America was a real possibility, and it happened. I have been here for 1.5 months and I still do not have a full time job or apartment, but such is the life when one immigrates to another country. I remain positive that I will find all of these things at the right time.

As you may remember South America kicked my butt. I dove into some deep personal things here. In the end, "coming home," meant endless things for me. Being here, among the Americans of the South really brought me back to a life I knew before America, the Beautiful. It reminded me of cafe con leche, rice and beans, child abuse, guarana, the pains (and joys) of growing up with a single mom, the violence I experience from my father as a kid, the joy of speaking Portuguese and now basic Spanish, and Latin beats.

And, because life gives us exactly what we can handle when we are ready for it, South America, or specifically, Chile, also gave me Bikram Yoga, amazing friends, and a therapist from heaven. In addition, I was able to work on an outstanding project with af friend to address child abuse in Chile's kindergartens and child care centers. Together these factors created a perfect place to work through what it has meant to be I, Júlio, reflect on traveling for so long, the work I do for social justice, and to be a more fully formed human being.

Some lessons, 'cause I know you like this format:

TOGETHER ALONE: We really are alone in the world. And, at that same time we depend a thousand percent in the connections we have to people and places. The trick, I have known, and I am continuously learning is to NOT shut ourselves out from others in order to be stronger, independent or to pull ourselves up with our own emotional bootstraps. Rather, the trick is to remember that we have the capacity to provide all that we need for our own survival, and also provide much of what we need for many other things. Additionally, we need people to depend on us so that we too can comfortably depend on people.

Love, as a concept, is interactive, and we need to be ready to be in that interaction if we want to build friendships, family, meaningful work and romantic relationships. And, what they (you know, "them") say is true – we truly are the best partners when we are well with ourselves.

I will add to self-health and say that we also need to be ok with the fact that most, if not all of our relationships exist because we need something. Love, unlike the movies, does not come without some sort of power cord, so to speak. We plug in because we need to learn something, we need to share in the energy of others, we need to be cared for, and we need to be needed. There is something to be said about being OK with this, about realizing that these exchanges are what attract friends and lovers, what attract us to our favorite teacher, or connect us to perfect strangers at coffee shops, the library or on the street.

I yearn more and more to make the connections I have authentic, even if I have made, and will make more mistakes in the future. Authenticity, I have also learned has to start with being true to ourselves. And, self-authenticity is the hard type to come by. It means looking in, being accountable to our actions, and looking straight at – our own reflection.

THE TOUGHEST PART: Transformation does not happen without pain. The hardest part of Part 2 of my travels was not the work I did interpersonally. This was the toughest personal work I have ever done, but I chose to be in it, and I committed to it 100%. The toughest part is that it hurt Drew, my now, ex-boyfriend. Drew is an AMAZING person that deserves the ABSOLUTE BEST and I, for many reasons at this point, was not able to provide that to the relationship we created. My personal process deeply affected the relationship which friends deemed DREWLIO. I am deeply sorry to him and those that love him. I wish it had happened differently.

THERE IS NO SPOON: As you know I love The Matrix and this reference is to the fact that we can all actually bend a spoon with our minds because that which bends is never the spoon, but ourselves.

My decision to uproot myself was a natural one since I felt (and feel) deep within that this is the step that I need to take right now in my life. While I have real fears of – will I be happy? Get a job? Have success? Make friendship connections like the ones in the States and Brazil? Be ok far from my family? Learn the language? – I also have a gut feeling that this is good, and right.

What has allowed me peace and comfort in this process is that I have gone back to the root in some ways. The root is the simple questions: do I want to do this right now and do I have it in me to succeed? A simple "yes" made my decision feel wonderful. Sure, there have been challenges, but these have made me value more that which I have chosen. The process more than (ok, maybe, equal to) the goal has been important. This experience is making it so that I bend more and more.

Finally, I wanted to the THANK YOU for reading this blog. I had no idea when I created it that so many people would read it, send it to friends, and refer to it months after I wrote about an experience. I felt (and feel) really blessed to have people like you in my life. I continue to hope that these words, experiences, random thoughts, overly honest life processes can be of use to you.

Photos of Part II:

Best Part II
http://www.flickr.com/photos/brazilbean/sets/72157600345851839/

World Travel – 10 Sets (9 of Part II, and best of Part I)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/brazilbean/collections/72157600005282858/